I Can't Help Falling in Love
by mrscooperphd
Summary: Hermione is missing something she hasn't obtained yet. Post-war.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all! Stupid me forgot my original email address for this site and now I've created a new after about 2 hours of trying to figure out how to get it back. My original story 'I Can't Help Falling in Love' was updated a few weeks back with chapter one posted. I've reposted now, along with a new chapter. Thanks!**

**I Can't Help Falling In Love**

Love.

I know that it is undefinable.

I know that I've never been completely and utterly in love because the feeling of not being able to live with the other person has never taken over me.

God save me from my own inability to love with no qualms, insecurities, doubt.

Will the day ever come for me? Will my turn for love come? Am I capable of falling, recognizing and accepting love?

My life has a purpose. I know it does. I know now that it is not simply to aid my best friend and my worlds to safety. The war has come and gone. The hardships and obstacles to peace and tranquility have vanished. Though they have not vanished completely, I know that the hardest part is now over. Yet, in my core, this feeling of unfulfillment, has overshadowed all I've achieved and left me wanting something more.

Perhaps, it is my need for human contact or my desire to be a part of something greater than everything I've lived and known. I don't know why I did what I did. What I do know is that it felt right. Better than I imagined. I think I know what everyone was talking about now.

I'm more afraid than ever. This battle is only mine, and that's what makes it so frightening. I don't have my best friends by my side, only my brain and my heart. Conflicting by nature, yet, I can't live without them.

I tried writing down my feelings on a blank piece of paper. I hoped to get some direction, some understanding. I got nothing.

Everyone awaits what the brightest witch of her age is going to do with her life. I don't have the answers to their questions. I have only more questions.

I only have one answer in mind. One direction in mind.

One person in mind.

I feel a tap on my shoulder. I don't want to look away from the sky and the clouds and the stars. I want to keep dreaming of what could be, of what might be.

Where am I going to go?

"Ginny."


	2. Chapter 2

I try to remain as collected as I can. I don't pretend to be what I am not, but this situation warrants some of my best acting skills. I don't want to seem like a complete wreck in front of her.

I've never been one to cast my feelings in the wind and jump into the unknown, I've concluded that will end tonight. Afraid, is no way to live.

The girl in front of me is walking rather quickly. I don't know where she's going. I only know that since the moment she laid her hand on my shoulder and looked at me with those green eyes of hers, I just knew, I would follow her anywhere. Maybe not anywhere, but anywhere within this vicinity.

I think too much. I must find a way to shut my conscious. I haven't even thought of what I am going to say to her.

_It's simple. You're going to tell her the truth. If things don't turn up the way you want it to, then so be it._

_Simple. Simple. Simple._

I repeat the word in my head, and maybe, I'll start believing it too.

The wind and cold cut through my light cardigan. I'm feeling colder and colder with every step I take. I blow some warm air in between my hands and rub them together. My hair is flowing freely in the wind and in this moment I'm glad I've let it grow out. I should've gone inside to get a thicker and warmer jumper, but I didn't have time. I was afraid she'd be gone by the time I came back.

I look at the back of her head. Her short red hair is thrown up in a lazy ponytail. She doesn't seem as cold as I do. She's got a big black jumper on with her initials sewn on the front. Molly had given her to her a few years back as a Christmas present. I still remember the enthusiastic look on Ginny's face when she opened it. She never did pretend to like her parents gifts. One of the things I liked of her the most.

I'm keeping up with her, though I'm staying three paces behind her on purpose. The more time I can buy and prolong this situation the better. I know it's stupid, but at the very least I'll have this memory of her in the moonlight, and it'll be the greatest memory of her I'll keep for time to come. Even if she does tell me to bugger off.

She turns her head back, and for a brief moment, her eyes catch mine. I must have been too lost in my thoughts to even realize she was staring at me. Quickly, I avert my eyes. My head is cast down and with a single gaze, she's weakened me.

After another few seconds, she halts. She turns back, extends her hand towards me.

I'm so confused. She must sense my hesitance and elaborates on her intentions.

"Take my hand", she whispers. She blinks once...twice.

I look down to look at her white, silky hand. She has extraordinarily soft hands. I put my sweaty hand in hers. I know she can sense my nerves. She can probably feel my heartbeat through my hand. She can probably hear it through my shirt and cardigan. I know I can. Screw the acting and pretending to be aloof. I'm anything but aloof, and I know I'm not deluding myself, much less her into thinking otherwise.

She turns back to look forward as I fall in step right next to her.

"It's just up here."

"_What's_ just up there?" I ask.

She turns and looks down to my eyes. She smiles widely and pulls me along.

"Come on."

Finally, after what seems like a half mile long walk, we stop. We stop right in front of a frozen lake. I gasp lightly, unable to contain my amazement at such a lovely sight.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Ginny says, extending her arms to engulf such a wonderful scenery. "I use to come here when I wanted to be alone, or away from the house."

I don't know what to say.

"You know, Fred was the one to show this to me. I'll always love him best for this." She sniffles. She's not crying, it must be the cold.

It just reminds me how cold I'm currently feeling. I shiver involuntarily and wrap my arms around myself.

"Are you cold?"

I laugh lightly, waving her off, "No, it's just a chill."

She doesn't say anything else before her jumper is coming off and she's handing it to me.

"Take it. I'm more than warm honestly." She grins, handing me the jumper.

"Thanks."

I put it on quickly.

"Thanks for sharing this with me."

"You seemed cold", she jokes.

"For bringing me here Gin!" I shove her lightly.

Where have all the negative thoughts gone? She makes me feel at ease. She makes me feel safer than I've ever felt.

"I know", she opens her mouth to say more, but nothing comes out.

She looks away from me and towards the shining moon and stars. They cast a perfect shield of light that protects this gorgeous land. The snow on the ground adds to the magical ambience created by the girl to my right.

Why did she bring me here?

Perhaps, to make the blow a bit softer for me. She didn't want to reject me in front of her whole family. I suppose I must thank her for that. I don't know if I could stomach the looks of the Weasley clan and Harry.

I hear her sigh loudly.

"Why did you bring me here?" I can't not ask her. I have to know, even if the magic breaks.

She shrugs, doesn't even look at me.

I can feel the sting of rejection inching its way towards me and as much as I'd like to avoid it, it seems inevitable.

I nod.

I look to the frozen lake. I remember going to skate with my parents when I was younger. London city in the winter, that is the place to be. I have this sudden urge to apparate away from here and crash my parents vacation in Paris. I have a feeling I don't want to be alone tonight.

I shiver audibly, "Okay, then can I ask you something?"

Ginny turns her head sharply, her eyebrows are scrunched together, "Why'd you do it?" she

shakes her head repeatedly and puts her hand up, "No, don't answer that. I can guess why."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean you must obviously be experiencing some changes and you haven't had a boyfriend since Ron and you must want to experiment with other options and so you did. You kissed me and now you have and and and..."

She's not saying much anymore just looking at me with an expectant look on her face.

She doesn't understand at all. She doesn't get it. I didn't kiss her because I wanted to try something else. I didn't kiss her to experiment. It's so much more than that.

_So much more, Ginny._

"Well...am I wrong?" Her eyebrows are raised. She swipes her tongue across her lips making them glisten in the night light. Her nose is red and in this moment, she's so beautiful, so intangible. She's the most beautiful person, thing, being, I've ever seen.

This power, I feel inside my chest is pumping and pumping. I have this urge to strike down the words she's just spoken because she couldn't be more bloody wrong.

I lick my lips repeatedly, the cold biting into them. Shaking my head, I approach her.

"You couldn't be wrong", I whisper inches from her face. I lean up almost instantly. I don't allow her a second to breathe, nor speak. I don't allow her a second to think or rationalize. I don't allow her a second to feel anything but my lips on hers, and my hands on her waist pulling her deeper into my body.

I seek warmth.

I seek something she has the power to give me.


End file.
